dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize