In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
