Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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