White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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