Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
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you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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