I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
