No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
