Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
