How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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