so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
