i used baking grease as lip gloss
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You were trust falling into bushes
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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