I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
