Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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