Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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