Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
