A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
