No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
