haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
