wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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