fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
