shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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