i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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