24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
