operation harelip BJ is a go
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
