Please, let me fuck your mom
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
