It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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