I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
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Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
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I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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