conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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