ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
