Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
