like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
as a side note pls kill me
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
