You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
