You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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