The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
