he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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