so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
