Ambien. No doubt about it.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
