I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
