im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now