So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby