I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
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we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
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Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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