wanna go halves on a baby?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?