she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
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After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
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Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.