It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
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i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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