Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.

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(440): View more from Ohio

Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.

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(254): View more from Texas

You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"

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(309): View more from Illinois

In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.

(217): View more from Illinois

gotta love wednesdays

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(678): View more from Georgia

He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?

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(540): View more from Virginia

'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"

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(540): View more from Virginia

Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.

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(520): View more from Arizona

I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life

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