I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
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HE'S GAY. AND 40.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.