Are you guys doing anything tonight?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
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and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
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I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough