she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?