with your own penis?
You just made me feel so damn special
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
