my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
