now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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