dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm both gender and math confused
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
