I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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