not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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