Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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