Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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