Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
