If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize