I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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