he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
