Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
