Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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