I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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