Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
