Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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