I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
