I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
