you have to choose: penises or morals?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
