She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
