my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
