The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
