I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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