Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
