He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
