So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
