there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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