if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
