I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
