I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
