I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
