He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
