Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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