I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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