nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
