I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
