he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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