I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
