Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
