He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
